The Sex Life of a Military Wife


My husband is deployed on the other side of the world.  We have an eleven hour time difference.  We are able to squeeze in a Skype or Facetime conversation about once a day, twice if we are lucky.  Most of our talks are limited in time because of the time difference and in that short amount of time we divide the talking time between myself and our 3 boys.  So, most of the time our chats are brief and I would say about 2-3 times a week my husband and I can have a decent conversation on the phone with no interruptions from the kids and no time constraints.  And all of that, depends on if we have a good internet connection. 

During the daytime I’m with the kids, and we normally keep busy to make the days go by faster.  At the end of the day, the kids go to bed, and the house is finally quiet.  There are some nights that I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep with the kids and there are nights that get incredibly lonely. 

I miss having my husband’s shoulder to rest on my head.  I miss being held by his strong arms.  I miss the taste of his kiss.  I miss the comfort and warmth of us just holding hands.

I miss having physical contact with a man.

I struggle and I think about the options I have to relieve the void of loneliness and disconnection.  Surely there is a solution to end this problem.

I could seek another man for fun and for the sake of fulfilling sexual desires.  It would be a heated love affair, a secret that no one needs to know about.  We would have evening or early morning rendezvous.  My needs would be easily satisfied.  It would be hot, steamy, new and temporary.


I could go to the nearest adult store and get the most popular adult toy and batteries.  Then, get on my phone or personal computer and download some porn that is readily available.  I could please myself without involving anyone else.  And in my research this kind of self pleasuring is “healthy.”

Which did I choose?


Well, let’s put it this way, 85% of of deployed military including military spouses cheat.  (I’m going to have to round up it up to 90% for this next example) That means roughly 9 out of 10 military and/or spouses have affairs.  That means maybe 1 or 2 are faithful.  Clearly, in this sex crazed world, it has become the norm and almost expected. 



I chose complete CHASTITY (definition below, in case we forgot)

noun: chastity
  1. the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.
    “vows of chastity”
    synonyms: celibacy, chasteness, virginity, abstinence, self-restraint, self-denial, continence


No other men, no porn, no toys, no batteries.  I am the part of the few, faithful 10-15%. 


First and foremost, faithfulness and fidelity were instructions by God through our wedding vows

Priest: (Name), do you take (name) to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?

Bride: I do.

Second, in this time of struggle and suffering, at a point in my life where I need love, strength, faith and hope the most – why would I sabotage my mind and body with anything artificial that doesn’t promise me love, strength, faith and hope?

And in this time of pain and loneliness – there is meaning.  Which leads to my last reason of staying chaste.

Lastly, when sex, self pleasure, porn, infidelity and temporary comforts are running rampant and available to us everywhere we turn in all forms of media today … how much more will our minds be polluted 5-10 years when our children are older?  In the path that this society is going, will the future generation picture love as disposable, temporary, and self indulgent?  How would you want your kids to treat love and marriage?  Will our boys grow into true gentlemen?  Will our daughters become ladies?

“The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.”-St. Pope John Paul II

Chastity isn’t easy – my meaning to this suffering?  I believe God put me in this situation to bring balance to our hedonistic society.  That maybe my story will bring hope and inspiration to for men and women to set much higher standards for themselves when faced with challenging and painful situations and in sexual decisions- and have a ripple effect to our children of the future.

Chastity, like honesty, is a civic as well as a personal virtue. When a society loses chastity, it begins to destroy itself. —William Schickel